I Didn't Write It!
by Sulkie Wolfen
Summary: Wow, disclaimers these days...


**I DIDN'T WRITE IT!**

This is insanity, I tell you. It's MADNESS! Just when I think my world is coming back to normal, I have some problems with internet friends. Thusly I feel I have to write insanity to escape my troubles for the night.

I think this title and story tell an obvious fact for themselves; I don't own The Lion King, I don't own The Madness of King Scar. Oh, did you want me to? Well, I deeply apologize for your stupidity.

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I didn't write it; I didn't write it! No one seems to realize, but I didn't do any of it! And I wouldn't be famed, I wouldn't be a star on television, I wouldn't be anything if they didn't all think I wrote it.

But really, I'm serious, I didn't write it. I'm not just trying to get out of the treachery and all that jazz, I DIDN'T write it!

Ok, this has been fun, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Well, it all started at the end of month four in 2004. I was a kid, a foolish, horrid kid. Forgive me! Well, a liking for The Lion King drove me to writing fics about it.

Everything went very well... and then, I stopped writing disclaimers on my fics. I regret that decision to this very day... and I don't think I'll ever stop.

Well, when a girl stops her disclaimers, everything's gonna go wrong. First, they started thinking I made up The Madness of King Scar, a song so dear to me from The Lion King I could just die. BUT THEY THOUGHT IT WAS FROM MY IMAGINATION! They didn't believe that it was out of admiration for Disney that I write fics based on my favorite song...

Then the dummies thought I owned TLK, and basically everyone turned into a dummy. Staring at me with cocky eyes of admiration and disbelief...

So I started raising money. Precious, beautiful, dirty American funny money. It was so priceless in its loveliness, it's dirtiness, it's counter-fitness...

Ah yes, I could make it for hours on end. Sit there in my room, coated with gorgeous funny money. But oh, they believed it! They wouldn't believe that I didn't own TLK, but they WOULD believe that I was rich! Oh, the joy!

So I raised - er, made - enough counter-fits to make myself live. I had my own show, all about not owning The Lion King. Unfortunately, it never worked.

It was my first show. I sat there in the recording studio, huge phony grin plastered and dress so-long-I-felt-like-I-was-the-bride-at-a-wedding. Damn, I looked like a '60s let's-make-fun-of poodle at a wedding.

But I didn't care; I could announce the world that I DIDN'T own The Lion King! Disney wouldn't have to sue me, I wouldn't get caught for counter-fits, and life would be back to normal.

So my grin was almost - almost - real as the men said their, "Action!" Unfortunately, the camera malfunctioned and cut to an earlier recorded scene.

It was quite odd too. Scar could be seen on the phone. The only words spoken were simply, "Uhm, hello, I have a complaint..."

But it was obvious he was phoning some stupid company - like Nexium, or Kotex, or maybe Jenny Craig. Or perhaps someone was finally ordering Roseville Auto-Mall to change their theme song. Ah, that would be good.

I didn't think that at the moment though. When they managed to cut to me, the guys around were already preparing for the next recording scene. So my beautiful fake recording studio was replaced with a large chalkboard with pictures of giant feet all over it. Before they had managed to cut though, I had scratched the chalkboard with my fingernails, thusly you could hardly see anything.

By the time they cut to me, my fake smile was gone and replaced with a steaming frown. Nah, I wasn't happy. Wanting no more, I dropped my lines and simply said, "That's all folks! The Lion King is copyrighted to Disney..." Unfortunately, the guys were mad at me for ruining the Monty Python's Flying Circus complaint show set (A/N: Don't ask, I had to think of something) and so they crushed the video camera with a mallet. The glass on the recorder broke into a million pieces and one landed on the cameraman dude's left eye.

Poor man.

So I didn't get caught, but my live show was less than a minute long - not to mention a total flop. However, this caused me not to have to produce any more counter-fits, because although that's the only thing I'd ever produced in my entire life, I still got money on behalf of the flop.

And all because I didn't write The Lion King. What a shame. What a shame. What.a.shame.


End file.
